Amy is the Centerfold
by Asian Dawn
Summary: Amy and Sonic get engaged, feeling bad, Amy decides to tell Sonic of her dark past. Things then get a little chaotic. Rated for language and content.
1. Chapter 1: Proposal

Okay, this is not a porno, So all you sickos leave. This is a Sonamy in which Sonic and Amy become engaged, and that sets off a chain reaction, and dark secrets are released…

**AMY IS THE CENTERFOLD**

**CHAPTER ONE:**

**Proposal**

Sonic quivered, he feared to imagine what Amy would say. The two sat at a table in a five star restaurant. The most expensive in Station Square. Amy was eating a cheese cake. And Sonic had barely touched his German chocolate cake. Instead he sat there shaking, with his right hand clenched under the table. In his hand was a blue box. What was in the box?

"Sonic are you alright? You haven't eaten a bit! I was afraid you were becoming anorexic…" She said, looking down worried.

"Yeah… you are…" Sonic answered.

"What did you say?" Amy asked.

"Uh… nice dress…"

"Okay… You've been quiet all night… And you're pale, are you coming down with something?" Amy was starting to get worried about him.

"Um… wanna, go home?" He asked.

"Okay…but first can we stop by the video store and rent some movies?" She replied.

"Anything for you Amy!"

Sonic stared at the romance movies. He wanted to learn how to propose, so he decide to learn from the classics. "Hm… When Harry Met Sally? No. Sleepless in Seattle? No. These are all chick flicks! I'm gonna go rent Die Hard!" Sonic walked off to the action section, but was stopped by Amy.

"Honey, how about this?" She showed him the case to Garden State.

"Seen it. Chick flick."

"Every love movie is a 'chick flick' to you! I think you're just bottling up your inner women!"

"Inner women? Yeah right! I'm pure dude! You've seen IT, it's at least twenty inches!"

"Twenty inches! Ha! Your naked all the time, and no one has ever seen IT. It's microscopic. Besides, everyone starts out a female. The boy gene has to be added."

"You and your "science" I hate science! Besides! Why would you want to date a girl!"

"Uh… yeah, well you see… I've never dated a girl before… nope… that's not me, I'm a pure straight, gay hating conservative… hehe… fine I'll put the movie back." Booyah! I always win… Eeeeek! What am I thinking I need everything perfect for Amy!

"Uh… babe, you can get it."

"Oh thank you!" Amy said, wrapping her arms around Sonic and kissing him. Score! She's happy again!

"Fine, you get that, then I should get a porno!" Sonic joked.

"I hate porno's! They're dirty and degrading to woman! Any girl who is in one must be really desperate!" Amy snapped.

"Alright geez, it was just a joke, I didn't mean any harm by it, besides, I wouldn't date any girl from a porno. You're right, they are too desperate." Sonic said, Amy looked down.

"Thank you for letting me rent this movie Sonic, it was great!" Amy told Sonic.

"Listen Amy… We've been together for a long time, and well… I think it's time, time that we, well…" Sonic got down on his knee and pulled out the blue box. "Amy Rose… Will you marry me?" Sonic had finally proposed.

" Oh Sonic…" Tears started to run down her face. "Of coarse, of coarse I'll marry you."

"I love you, and I'll love you to the day I die." Sonic said.

"Oh Sonic… it hurts…"

"I know, it hurts that now you're getting older and you can't stop it…" He started.

"No Sonic, it hurts…"

"I uh… I uh… don't follow…" He answered confused.

"It hurts, down there."

"Amy Rose, you have been diagnosed with Herpes." The doctor announced.

Okay, that's a weird ending to a chapter, but if you like screwed up love story comedies, read the next chapter. Please review this, oh and I love a good flaming. Mmmm flames…

NEXT CHAPTER: Amy is the Centerfold!


	2. Chapter 2: Amy is the centerfold

Okay, bare with me… this is the first comedic fic I've ever made, so its probably not that funny. I came up with this fic one day when "Angel is the Centerfold" came onto the radio… This chapter is full of crappy jokes. (I'm so modest… that's what makes me SOOOOOOOOOOOOO cool)

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any Sonic character or any character of Sonic Team. I also do not own Ripley's Believe it or Not, or Jugs magazine, if its real. Plus I don't own Herpes… but I don't think that was necessary… The characters in this story belong to Yuji Naka. Whom I don't own.**

**CHAPTER 2:**

**Amy is the Centerfold**

"Amy Rose, you have been diagnosed with Herpes." The doctor said.

"WHAAAAAAT!" Sonic screamed. He looked like he was going to punch the doctor. "I know damn well that Amy has never had sex before! She saved it for me!"

"Uh… yeah… about that. I haven't really been quite accurate about my love life…" Amy started but Sonic cut her off.

"Oh my god! You're a slut! I'm engaged to a slut!" Sonic was now going off the deep end.

"Wow… Herpes… Why are you guys mad? I mean… Herpes… I didn't even know that hedgehogs could get Herpes… That's surprising. I mean, you should be happy! In fact… I think I'm gonna call Ripley's…" The doctor said.

"Uh. Are you a real doctor? Besides, why are you making a big deal out of the STD? we're talking hedgehogs!" Amy pointed out.

"You guys can talk?"

"Sonic! Don't leave me!" Amy begged.

"I'm not going to leave you.. I just need time to think! I'm going to Knuckles' pad to crash for a while!" Sonic said heading for the car.

Sonic drove down the driveway of Knuckles' house. (Don't ask how he got the car on Angel Island) He grabbed his bags out of the trunk, and headed up the steps to Knuckles' door. Sonic knocked.

"Oh hey Sonic" Knuckles said, as he opened the door.

"Thanks for letting me stay here. I really appreciate it."

"No prob… Hey! I know what you need! My legendary stack of porn!" Knuckles said smiling.

"Uh… pass… That's creepy dude…" Sonic answered.

"No I insist!" He said shoving the box in Sonic's face.

"Fine…" Sonic opened the box and started searching through the magazines. He found a Jugs magazine and stared at the half naked girl on the cover. She was a pink hedgehog. Whith a bow in her hair. Sonic found her quite attractive. The date on the magazine said : October 1993. That's a few months after I met Amy. I think she was trying to…be…a…model……… then… Sonic froze in horror the headline on the page said: Meet Amy Rose! A girl can't get any easier than this!

"Oh yeah! That's the one with Amy. That's a gooooooooood issue!" Knuckles stated.

"Holy mother fuc-"

The next nine pages have been edited for extreme sexual suggestions, extremely heavy language, and time.

"Banana Hammock!" Sonic finished, out of breath.

"I sowy Sonic. I should've told you…" Amy said, in a cute little girls voice.

"You think!" Sonic screamed.

"Well… I was a young girl who needed money…"

"YOU WERE THIRTEEN!"

"Well, in hedgehog years… that's like… ninety one…" Amy corrected.

"No, you multiplied thirteen by seven, that's dog years, not hedgehog, I think hedgehog is…" Sonic started.

"Really, I always thought that it was seven times the age."

"Well… let me explain, hedgehogs live a couple years so… Hold it! Don't trick me like that! Yuji Naka intended our ages to run like humans! So quote me… YOU WERE THIRTEEN!"

"Well…"

"Anything else you wanna tell me!"

"Well no…"

"Where have you been bitch?" A voice boomed on the other side of the door. The person kicked it down. Vector was on the other side.

"Oh no… he found me…"

"Found you? What do you mean?"

"You haven't told this poor sap yet? Ha! Go ahead Amy." Vector smiled.

"Amy?" Sonic asked.

"Well… Vector is my… my…"

"Boyfriend?"

"No."

"Ex-boyfriend?"

"Worse…"

"Oh please tell me you didn't sleep with him!" Sonic screamed.

"Worse you moron. I just love this, it's hilarious." Vector said chuckling.

"Well… Vector's my… my…"

"ALRIGHT JUST SPIT IT OUT!" Sonic yelled.

"My… pimp" Amy finished.

Poor Sonic, all this bad stuff happening to him at once. I think my next fic will be a gory slasher Sonic fic… cause this fic kinda makes me feel sick to my stomach… By the way. The last fic I made Vector an ass. And I killed him off. This one he's a pimp. Just so you know I have nothin against Vector. I actually really like him.

NEXT CHAPTER: Amy's Day Job


	3. Chapter 3: Amy's Day Job

This fiction isn't going over as well as I thought it would. Man I suck… Well… anyway… My next Sonic fic will be the sequel to the Dead End Mystery. The plot is: Sonic is abducted by aliens who put him in a space zoo. These aliens are special, they see in four dimensions. (hieght, width, depth, time) So they teach Sonic the meaning of time!… wait that's not the plot! Oh yeah! I can't tell you. The government says so. For some reason… it wouldn't let me set the markers… so I made my own way to tell when I skip scenes.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any Sonic character or any character of Sonic Team. They belong to Yuji Naka. I don't own Xbox. And I don't own the NAFB, The National Association of the Blind.

CHAPTER THREE:

Amy's Day Job

"Where have you been bitch?" A voice boomed on the other side of the door. The person kicked it down. Vector was on the other side.

"Oh no… he found me…"

"Found you? What do you mean?"

"You haven't told this poor sap yet? Ha! Go ahead Amy." Vector smiled.

"Amy?" Sonic asked.

"Well… Vector is my… my…"

"Boyfriend?"

"No."

"Ex-boyfriend?"

"Worse…"

"Oh please tell me you didn't sleep with him!" Sonic screamed.

"Worse you moron. I just love this, it's hilarious." Vector said chuckling.

"Well… Vector's my… my…"

"ALRIGHT JUST SPIT IT OUT!" Sonic yelled.

"My… pimp" Amy finished.

"Excuse me! P-p-p-p-p-p-…" Sonic sputtered.

"I'm sorry Sonic… I should've told you…" Amy said, a tear glimmering in her eye.

"P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p…" Sonic sputtered.

"Hahahahah! So Amy, when are you coming back to work?" Vector asked.

"P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p…" Sonic sputtered.

"Well you see… I uh… really don't want to come back to work…" Amy answered.

"PIMP!" Sonic screamed

"What did you say bitch!" Vector screamed, raising his hand at Amy.

"Hey! Leave my fiancé alone!"

"What are you gonna do about it!" Vector taunted.

"I'll fight you!" Sonic blurted.

One hour later in a hospital…

"I really didn't know he was going to pull a knife…" Amy said. Sonic was in the bead next to her, covered in bandages.

"Amy… Is there anything else… you wanna tell me?" He asked, wincing.

"Well… uh… no" She answered.

"Good. So how long have you been… a… prostitute?"

This time Amy winced. "Fifteen years…"

"YOU WERE THIRTEEN!"

"It was the nineties! It was hard for a grown women!"

"YOU WERE THIRTEEN!"

"So… is the wedding… still on?"

Three hours later.

"You are… you are a cool guy… Shadow… Shadow… you know why I like you?" Sonic asked. He was now living at Shadow's house… and was incredibly drunk.

"I don't know… why?" Shadow asked.

"Because… you are… you are a cool guy… did you know that?"

"Uhh… yeah… you've said that about twelve times."

"Now… I'm gonna go pee… in that toilet over there." Sonic slurred.

"Uh… that's my Xbox…"

"Close… enough…"

The next morning…

"Man… you really beat yourself up last night…" Shadow said.

"God my… head hurts… Hey whats this?" Sonic asked picking up a video Shadow had gotten in the mail. It said on the case: "Midnight Nurses". On the cover was a bunch of women in nurses outfits.

"Oh cool! The next edition is in.

Shadow put the movie in the VHS player. " This movie is great!" He said looking at Sonic. The movie started. A hot nurse entered the operating room. She was a pink hedgehog. But her face wasn't quite visible.

"The doctor says that you've been a bad patient, and I have to teach you a lesson." She said.

"Pause it!" Sonic said. Shadow did. Just as the camera zoomed into the girls face, Who by now was waving her hair. "Oh my god… That's Amy!"

"Uh… duh… that's why I get them!"

"You mother fucker!"

"Uh… how did you know about me and your mom?"

Later on, in a hospital…

"I didn't think he'd pull a knife…" Shadow said…

Well… this is starting to freak me out! Any way… I hope you guys like it… no matter how weird it gets. Continue reading, cause next chapter is the plot twist!

NEXT CHAPTER: Spying


	4. Chapter 4: Spying

Sorry if the two fan fictions I'm making seem a bit half assed…. I'm trying to write while under lots of pressure. I've been worrying about school starting, I've been reading a good book, and I've been trying to get passed the 100 trials in paper Mario… which happens to be a bitch! (100 battles and no save spots!!! Total time consumption: About four hours!!!! YIKES!!!)

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any Sonic character or any character of Sonic Team. They belong to Yuji Naka. I do however, own the NAFHEW… National Association For Homeless Earth Worms.

**CHAPTER FOUR:**

**Spying**

"So… basically… you're fiancé is a slut… right?" Tails asked.

"Yah… pretty much…"

"Sorry dude… so… what did you do about Shadow?"

"I got him back, he should find out what I did soon…"

Shadow's house

"What!? I didn't enlist in the military!" Shadow screamed.

Tails' house

"So… all my friends have failed me… they have been going behind my back and stuff. So tell me, what do you know about Amy?" Sonic asked.

"Nothing dude! I had no idea! You know what you should do?"

"What?"

"Spy on her. Find out what she does every day!"

"Great idea Tails! It's time I learned a little more about my chick!"

Sonic arrived at Amy's house early so he could follow her where ever she goes. She woke up at about eleven and left. Sonic ran to the van that Tails had parked, out of view.

"Lets get the hell outta here!"

"Right!" Tails drove off. Staying far behind Amy. At twelve PM she arrived at the same fancy restaurant that Sonic had taken her to. This time she was meeting vector. Tails walked out, in disguise, and bumped into Amy, slipping a tiny mike in her purse.

"The mike has been planted." Tails said getting into the back of the van. The back had a bunch of equipment. Tails messed around with a few buttons, eventually voices showed up.

"I really have to thank you for saving me." Amy said.

"It's nothing! I'd do anything for you!" Vector said.

"No, really, thank you! He was going to propose! It was your idea to pull the prank. You know hiring that phony doctor, who I think was a druggy… how you got Knuckles in on it was great! And that fake porno we made! Priceless. And you acting like my pimp… It was really hard to keep a straight face!" Amy laughed.

"I'm just glad we can be together. I love you Amy Ro…" Sonic shut it off. He had tears rolling down his face.

"Take me to Knuckles" Sonic ordered.

Sonic busted through the door. Knuckles looked at him like he was insane. Sonic grabbed the magazine. He looked at the picture of Amy. Another picture was under it, it was a fake.

"I'm sorry Sonic… Vector had a knife… he made me do it…" Knuckles started.

"Its okay… It's not… your fault." Sonic stammered running back out the door.

He next went to Shadow's house. He busted the door down. And then grabbed the tape. It really was a fake… Sonic had been played.

"Sonic…" Tails said running in. "I'm sorry…"

"eh eh eh eh eh…" he cried.

"Don't cry… you'll find someone else…"

"eh eh eh eh eh eh… hm… heh… hehehehehe." Sonic's sobs turned to laughter.

"Are… you okay?"

"Yes Tails… I'm… hehe… just fine…"

"What are you thinking?"

"They tricked me… I'm the trick master… you can't trick the master… hehehe…"

Sonic banged on Amy's door. "Yeah, what do ya want?!" She demanded opening the door. Her face turned from tired to shock. "What are you doing?" Amy asked. Sonic was crying, and holding a gun to his head.

"I loved you… and you broke my heart… how could you?!"

"Sonic… don't pull it."

"I'll always love you Amy…" Sonic sobbed. He pulled the trigger. In an instant, he was killed. So it goes.

I told this chapter was the plot twist! I think this story is almost over. Which is weird cause it's short… I hope you guys like this fic… just keep reading.

NEXT CHAPTER: Dirty Deeds


	5. Chapter 5: Dirty Deeds

Hm… I really… can't think of an authors note… So… I'm watching Band of Brothers… And… listening to the radio… by myself… Oh screw it! Enjoy… please review.

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any Sonic character or any character of Sonic Team. Or Snickers. I also don't own that DISCLAMER thingy at the start of this disclaimer. It is owned by the NAODTFTPOSCPWR (National Asscociation Of Disclaimers That are For The Poor Or Socially Challenged People Who Rock)**

**CHAPTER FIVE:**

**Dirty Deads**

"I'll always love you Amy…" Sonic sobbed. He pulled the trigger. His body collapsed lifeless on Amy's doorstep.

"Oh god… I've got to do something!" Amy grabbed Sonic's body and pulled it into the house. "What am I going to do! I'll have to move, change my name… again!" She screamed.

_"_Amy! Wassup? I uh… need your advice." Knuckles said, walking up to Amy's door.

"Sorry but I can't help… I have some uh… issues." she replied.

"Well, I feel bad, I can't believe I tricked Sonic for a Snickers. They're just so goo, holy crap you killed sonic!"

"No! It's not what it looks like… I uh…" Amy then picked up the gun and shot Knuckles.

"Holy shit! You killed Knuckles!" Sonic screamed.

"Ah! Firs I kill Knuckles, then Sonic's cadaver attacks me… oh what uh day…"

"You bitch! You killed Knuckles!"

"Now, where will I burry them… I already buried those two guys in the…"

"I'm alive! But you killed Knuckles!" Sonic screamed.

"Wait… you're dead! You died! It must be that ghost denial thing…"

"I'm dead… Since when…"

"Since like now…"

"I coulda sworn I was alive…"

"No… you died…"

"Oh… really cause… Oh! The fake suicide thing!"

"FAKE! But there were real bullets in it! That's what killed Knuckles!"

"Oh… well we only had one blank so…"

"You dumbass! You put real bullets in the gun!"

"Well, it had to be realistic, If I showed up with just one bullet…"

"SHUT UP! I HAVE A SERIUS PROBLEM HERE!"

"Well ya didn't have to shoot him."

"SHUT! UP!" Amy rushed over to the table and grabbed a lighter and a pack of cigarettes.

"Since when do you smoke!" Sonic exclaimed.

"Since I was two."

"……."

"Come on! Help me get him to my car!" Amy screamed.

"No way! I don't wanna get busted for this!"

"Fine! I'll do it my self." Amy rushed Knuckles out to her SUV and drove to the back of the video store. She pulled out the sleeping bag that she'd rapped Knuckles in. Moving as fast as she could, Amy grabbed out some gasoline and lit the bag on fire. Then some thing happened that she could've never expected. The bag started to scream.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH! SONIC! TAILS! I'm ON FREAKIN FIRE! HELP!" Sonic and tails rushed in to stop the fire. Knuckles suffered second degree burns.

Suddenly The famous movie and TV personality Stashton Butcher ran in screaming: "Amy Rose! You've been screwed!"

"What the hell!" Amy screamed.

"Sorry Amy but when I found out you were cheating on me, I had to get back at you. So I got on the show screwed and…" But Amy was to shocked. She thought it was the police. Amy jumped in her car and took off, she was so stunned that she couldn't even realize the tanker in front of her…

Five minutes later.

"Well… Amy's dead…" Sonic said walking up to the burning heap of metal that was once Amy's SUV.

"Yep." Tails said. "Wanna get a burger?"

One week later

Sonic opened his door. On the other side was an anteater, and Vector. "Hey, uh whats go'in on?" Sonic asked.

"Sonic the Hedgehog, I am Durk Mathews, FBI. You are under arrest for the murder of Amy Rose."

"What the hell!"

Somewhere in the deserts of Iraq

_**Journal log # 12**_

**_12th day in Iraq… I've already killed 250 men. 139 were on my side. It's hard out there, especially for a pimp. I've been in this fox whole for days, I ran outta water hours ago. All I've got to drink is my pea. I've been eating my toe nail shavings. Wait whats this? I hear a faint voice!_**

****Shadow jumped out of his whole and saw a huge camp had been made where he was hiding.

"There you are Shadow! I thought you were dead!" A man said.

"What the hell? How long has this been here?"

"About twelve days…"

"Oh shit…"

"Everyone run!" a man shouted. As a bunch of screaming men ran through the camp, killing the soldiers. Shadow's friend was shot, and fell to the ground.

"Shadow… Tell… m-m-m-m-my wife… I love her… and that…" he trailed off as Shadow shot him through the skull.

"Don't start that gay shit with me!"

Sorry about how long it took me to post this. I'm kinda busy with school. The good thing is I got two days off this week, so expect another chapter over the weekend, or next.

NEXT CHAPTER: Sonic's Trial


	6. Fuzzy Pickles… “Oh wait… Who gave me the

Sorry about how long it took me to post those last two chapters. I've been busy with school. Here is what has been going on: I signed up for advanced comm., I enter it my first day of school… AND IT'S FULL OF MERIT ROLE STUDENTS! I'm like, the only person in that class that's ever gotten a C. Last Wednesday (Smart) People were called down to take the PSAT. There was only four people left in the class room (Including me, but I was eligible to take it, I'm just lazy and an under achiever, which is surprising that I've finished a fic before) I've worked my ass off to beat Earthbound, And I finally did it. Earthbound was one of the reasons why I haven't written in a while. My social life somehow got worse when I went back to school, sad huh?

Okay you're probably board with my rambling so I'll write… While listening to my new Killers CD! Yipee!! I love this band!! Whoa… Is this what my life has come to? Where did I go wrong? Maybe I should'a joined football… Well enjoy… Beeoch

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any Sonic character or any character of Sonic Team. What? Are you expecting a stupid joke from me in the disclaimer? Go make YOUR own stupid joke on YOUR own disclaimer! Dick. **

**CHAPTER SIX: **

**Fuzzy Pickles… "Oh wait… Who gave me the wrong Script?! **

**The REAL title is… Ahem…." RING… RING… "Sorry gotta take this… What? **

**Holy crap! I won! I won 1,000,000 $! Screw this gig!" The Narrator ran out of the studio and drove away… **

****

Sonic winced as the guard pushed him into his new, shiny, cell. His cell mate was an ape with a red tie. Sonic looked up at him and smiled awkwardly. "Uh… Hey… who are you?"

"Name's Donkey Kong. But my peeps call me DK, yo. I'm in here for kidnapping dis girl Pauline. It's not my fault, yo! It's da ape instincts! Nintendo shouldn't have made me an ape! Hey… uh… nice butt…" DK said.

"What?! Uh… wait… why are you taking off your belt? Whoa! Don't put that there!"

A few days later at the visiting area.

"Don't worry, the Trial is in a week, I'll win it for you and we can go back to our normal lives." Tales assured Sonic.

"That's not soon enough! You don't know what it's like in here! I'm being passed around like currency! How am I gonna tell my kids I lost my virginity to an ape! Not to mention I'm going to have a kid who got his license to practice law off the internet."

"Hey! It's a valid license! Don't get pissy with me!"

The Trial

"Your honor, I call Stacheton Butcher to the stand!" Tails declared. "Now Stacheton, You saw Miss Rose drive her SUV into that gas tanker correct?"

"Correct," Replied Stacheton. "I saw Amy drive off and run into the tanker that Sonic had pulled out in front of her just a minute before!"

"Dude! You're on the defense's side!"

"I swore to tell the truth, not lies!"

"Okay, if Sonic drove that tanker out, how did he not get killed?"

"Well he does have super speed!" Stacheton replied.

"Is that all?" The judge asked.

"Yes your honor…"

"We're getting trampled here! Do something!" Sonic whispered to tails.

"Like what?!"

"I don't know, flip the other attorney off."

"No! Hey were is the other attorney?!"

"Right here!" A voice echoed across the room. A green bird jumped out of the defense seats. "Now I know all your secrets Muhahahaha!" The bird was in fact, Bean.

"Oh god… Not Bean… Permission to shoot Bean?" Tails asked.

"Hm… permission granted." The judge answered. Tails stood up and shot Bean in the leg.

"Oh god! Why would you do that. That was just…was just mean. Jeeze… And in the knee too… Oh god… that's gotta be the worst part to get shot… oh god… oh god…" Bean whimpered."

"Alright, bring in the other lawyer." The judge said.

"You mean me?" Vector said, standing up. "I call, Knuckles the Echidna to the stand."

"I object! He's our witness!"

"Denied, I'll allow this."

"Now Knuckles, Sonic has been your friend since?…" Vector asked.

"Well… since… around 1994, 95... Ish…" Knuckles replied.

"Hm… yes… impressive…eleven years, now, is it true you've had to fight him multiple times?"

"Well every time I was tricked by Eggman…"

"You had a cat named Gary when you were nine?"

"Yeah but he died a long time ago…"

"I see… are you aware how he died?"

"Well he dissapear…"

"Sonic ate him…"

"What!?" Knuckles cried.

"Sonic ate him."

"You ate Gary!? You bastard!"

"What! I didn't eat your stupid cat! Besides, I only eat plants and ants!" Sonic exclaimed.

"Don't call Gary the wonder cat stupid!" Knuckles cried

"Order! Order!" The judge declared.

"Now Knuckles, is it true sonic set you on fire?" Vector asked.

"I never saw…"

"Think about Gary, try to remember what happened that night."

"Yeah! You know what? He did set me on fire!"

"Knuckles you idiot." Sonic whispered to himself.

"I rest my case."

"Your honor, I call Sonic the Hedgehog to the stand!" Tails announced.

"Now Sonic, What happened that night?" Tails asked.

"Well Amy was just Screwed on film and…"

"Oh my god! You were filming each other doing it, you're a sicko!" Vector exclaimed.

"I thought you'd use that against us, Screwed is a very popular TV show. And to further my proof that it was the show he was talking about, I have this on tape." Tails pulled out a tape recorder and turned it on.

"_How am I gonna tell my kids I lost my virginity to an ape!" _

"I see, so, it was the show that you were talking about, but this proves something else. Sonic… Is gay!" Vector accused, the jury gasped.

Sonic looked around and noticed that everyone in the jury had patriotic shirts on. "Hey! No fair! Everyone in the jury are conservative extremists!"

"That's right! Hand picked by me." Vector said.

"I have nothing left to say." Tails said, noticing he'd only dug Sonic into a deeper hole.

"Alright Sonic. Is it true you are a fatty fatty doo doo face?" Vector accused.

"What?" Sonic asked.

"I object! He's badgering the witness!" Tails objected.

"I allow it, I think it leads somewhere… doo doo face." The judge declined.

"Well you're a smelly smelly pea pea head." Sonic responded.

"Dick." Vector responded.

"Sadist" Sonic responded.

"Masochist!" Vector yelled

"Sadomasochist!" Sonic Screamed.

"Oooooooooooh." The Jury Ooooh'd

"Has the jury reached the verdict?"

"On the charge of first degree manslaughter. We find Sonic the Hedgehog guilty."

"Sonic the Hedgehog shall be put to death." The judge said.

"What!?" Sonic screamed! "How will I be executed?"

"By rapid succession of Sodomy."

"What?! I didn't even know that was a way to be executed!"

"Well, it's not. But it only seems humane since you're gay…"

"For the last time! I'm not gay!" Sonic screamed.

"Guards, escort him back to his cell." The judge ordered.

"Wait! I'd like to say something. I would never kill Amy. I-I-I loved her. Even when I found out she was cheating on me… I still wanted her in my arms. Now that she's dead… I can never feel that joy again! I guess it's best that I died, whats the point of life without my Amy?" Sonic sobbed. Tears ran down his cheeks.

"Stop!" Every one looked up as Eggman barged through the door. "I vowed that I would kill Sonic! Not the corrupt government of America! If you kill him, I'll blow myself up!"

"Uh… actually…." The judge started but was cut off.

"I knew you'd kill him! Then say good bye to me!" Eggman suddenly blew up sending entrails all over the court room.

"Uh… It was… just a prank…" The judge finished.

"What?!" Sonic cried looking up.

"Oh Sonic! You do love me!" A familiar voice rang in Sonic's ears.

Amy ran into the courtroom smiling.

"What the hell?!" Sonic screamed.

"For the past few weeks, we've been on a screwed special." Amy exclaimed. "Funny, huh?"

Sonic was confused. So confused he ran out of the court room and drove off. Not looking, he wrecked into a tanker.

"No!" Amy cried.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Sonic laughed walking up to Amy "Got you good! I knew about the trick the whole time! Just wanted to get the last laugh!"

"Oh Sonic! I'll never trick you again! I really wanted to test your love for me."

"So… you don't have herpes, you're not a model, hooker, or porno star?"

"Of coarse not! You haven't been sodomized, have you?"

"Nope!" Sonic replied.

"Good."

"Lets go have sex."

"Okay."

Hours later in the court room

"Why hasn't anyone called for help yet?!" Bean screamed.

Well that's it… this took me hours to write. I must have listened to the Killers' CD repeat itself like 12 times. Holy crap! It's 4:54 A.M.! Well the fic is finished, except for the special chapter coming up next. Here's a look at my fic future. I think I'll add on some special chapters to Dead End Mystery, my last fic, just to bump it up, and restore it to glory. I'm still writing Paper Luigi. A completely original fic. Trust me I checked, No one else has done the idea. Check it out. I'm also about to start on a sequel to the Dead End Mystery, The Dead End Crisis. Check them all out, or I'll eat your soul! **PLEASE REVIEW! **

NEXT CHAPTER: Final Rush: Shadow's Story


	7. Chapter 7: Final Rush

I hope you all enjoyed this fic. I don't think it was my best. Hm… Sorry about the lupynes at the start of the last chapter. It was later than I stay up when school's in… or it was the marijuana… Just joking… it was coke.

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any Sonic character or any character of Sonic Team. And, aside from what my classmates say… I DO NOT DO DRUGS! So I'll take a moment to promote safe living: Don't be like bugs! Don't do drugs! Be like Michael, do the recycle! Grow pot, smoke it a lot! Awwwww……. Words of wisdom… words of wisdom……**

**CHAPTER SEVEN:**

**Final Rush**

Shadow jumped down from the building he was hiding in. He was the last survivor of his unit. Everyone else had been killed in the ambush. The Humvee was in sight, he could make it. Shadow jumped out and ran toward the car. The Iraqi's were still there though, and in an instant, gun fire flew through the sky.

"Hm." Shadow scoffed "Chaos control!" everything froze. All that was left was Shadow running at full speed, firing his weapon. In a shattering blast, chaos control ended, and everyone was dead. "Pathetic! I knew it was a great idea to bring the chaos emeralds to war!"

It had been hours since Shadow had taken off, he still had yet to reach Baghdad. That was the meeting point. It was harsh in the desert, he had no food or water. Suddenly he saw Baghdad in the distance. Shadow took off at full speed. He finally reached the center of the city where he saw the survivors of his unit.

"Look! Shadow made it!" A soldier announced.

"Hey, I thought everyone else had died." Shadow said.

"No, we all made it." Another soldier replied.

"All right guys! We have one last mission. We have some terrorists in a building up ahead. They're harming the civilians and our troops!" The commander announced.

The building up ahead.

Shadow and his unit approached the building carefully. "Now remember the plan, we sneak in and ambush." The commander whispered.

"Sneak? Ambush? Screw that!" Shadow exclaimed. "HA!" he pulled out his emeralds and went super.

"Shadow wait!" It was too late. The noise alerted the terrorists. They started firing on the troops. Everyone was killed in the gunfire.

Shadow busted through the ceiling. Going at full speed, he killed every terrorist. One terrorist said something, the other nodded and took off for the basement. Shadow ripped the terrorist apart and followed his friend to the basement. When shadow reached the bottom step, his eyes lit up. In the room was a huge amount of marijuana plants. Shadow shot the terrorist trying to run away with the pot.

Sonic's House

Sonic turned on the television. The news was on. The news lady was talking about some soldier. _"And the search for Shadow the Hedgehog continues. Unfortunately, if he is not found soon, he'll be declared MIA"_

Somewhere in Mexico.

A large mansion toward on the Mexican coast. To the right of it was the Atlantic ocean. To the left, was a huge plantation of marijuana.

Shadow sat at a desk in a bright, expensive room. He was smiling, and smoking a Cubin cigar. "It's like my father always said, Grow pot, smoke it a lot." He said, with a laugh.

Well that's what happened to Shadow. Now I have made plenty of drug references in this chapter, mostly in the authors note. But that was only because of what happened to Shadow in this chapter. I'm fourteen, I don't even know where to get drugs. I just don't want anyone getting a bad opinion about me. And the "Grow pot, Smoke it a lot." line is something my friend wrote as a mission statement in Life Skills class last year. Just a little inside joke.

NEXT CHAPTER: Well… there isn't another chapter… READ MY OTHER FICS, OR I'LL EAT YOUR SOUL… AND YOUR DOGS SOUL AS


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